The Ache We Feel
by Lady Callista
Summary: Kathryn and Chakotay return from several days of exploring New Earth to find that Voyager has returned with a cure. With no time to prepare, and having become much closer than they ever would have aboard ship, how will they deal with being back on Voyager? A "Resolutions" rewrite.
1. Edge

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: It has been nearly a year since I've written anything, and this is my first Voyager fic. My muse just hasn't been letting me write any of my normal stuff, not even the stories I already have half finished and posted. I've been rewatching Voyager recently (thank you, Netflix), and my muse finally woke up and decided she hated the end of "Resolutions" and had to rewrite it. I've been reading lots of J/C fics in preparation, and hopefully I can make this story at least a little bit different from all the other authors who also chose that episode to work with, lol. Then it hit me just how many of the fics deal with the time between Tuvok's communication and the beam-up. What if they hadn't had 30 hours of warning?

As I said, this is my first Voyager fic, so reviews and comments will be greatly appreciated. Here goes nothing…

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The Ache We Feel

By Lady Callista

"_Every so often we long to steal to the land of what might have been. But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in." -from "I'm Not That Girl," in "Wicked"_

Chapter One: Edge

"_We think a flower on a cliff is beautiful because we stop our feet at the cliff's edge, unable to step out into the sky like that fearless flower." -from Bleach, manga opening 12_

=/\=

"We'll be in hailing range in just under an hour, sir." Tom Paris spoke from the pilot's chair. Even after nearly three months, it still felt slightly odd to him to be saying 'sir,' as he had gotten used to the slightly less formal manner in which Captain Janeway preferred to be addressed. But it was easier to say sir than it was to name as captain anyone other than the woman he had come to like and respect. A woman he had missed greatly ever since they left her on a planet with her first officer. A woman he would be seeing again in just under 31 hours.

"Understood. Maintain present speed and course." Tuvok said from the captain's chair. Although his mind would track the time without any effort, something Captain Janeway had always referred to as the Vulcan internal chronometer, he followed standard procedure by adding, "Ensign Kim, please notify me when we are in communications range."

"Aye, sir." Harry's excitement could be heard by the entire bridge crew. "We should be able to contact the commander and the captain in 58 minutes."

"I'm sure they'll be glad to come home." Tom couldn't help but add.

=/\=

"How are they coming?" Chakotay asked as he settled onto the ground beside Kathryn, eyes taking in the rows of green plants.

"Very nicely." Kathryn said as she pulled a small weed from in-between two of the plants. "We should have vine-ripened Talaxian tomatoes in a couple of months, unless this planet has the equivalent of tomato bugs. Oh, they're awful."

"I would never have thought of you as a gardener. " Chakotay replied with a smile, laying a hand lightly on her back. Where weeks ago she would have tensed up, or moved away uncomfortably, her only reaction now was a smile at his comment.

"I grew up around farmers. My parents insisted we learn some basic gardening skills."

"Did you hate that as much as camping?" He asked, grin intensifying. He felt her back muscles shift and slid backwards slightly to allow her to sit up.

"Of course. Who wanted to muck around in the dirt when you could be studying quantum mechanics?" Kathryn gave a rueful laugh, rolling her head to relieve some of the tension in her neck from the way she had been laying. "But I find it very satisfying now, watching the seeds sprout and grow."

"I'm glad." His smile was gentle, as was the warmth in his eyes. Although the loss of her research equipment had been a terrible blow at first, she had been adapting very well over the past few weeks. The last layers of her Starfleet shell had almost melted away, and the slowly growing closeness between them filled to almost bursting a heart that had once held nothing but anger. "If your tomatoes could spare you for a minute, I'd like your opinion on something."

"Well, you've come to the right person." Kathryn replied, rolling her neck again with a sigh. "I always have an opinion."

"Really?" Chakotay said with a chuckle as he handed her a padd, his other hand sliding slowly up her back to squeeze the nape of her neck gently, his eyes never leaving her face.

Her grey eyes met his for a moment, and he almost, almost saw in them what he had wanted to see for so long.

"Chakotay…" Kathryn's mind was spinning even as her body relaxed under his gentle ministrations. He had touched her casually, more times than she could count, in the weeks since he had first told her his 'ancient legend.' And as she did the same with him, had in fact always been a casual toucher whether with him or her crew, it hadn't bothered her.

In fact, she had taken great comfort in the touches. Although some of her need for touch was fulfilled in touching others, the mantle of captain had ensured that she was rarely on the receiving end of that comfort. That basic human need. He was, in fact, one of the handful of people that had given it to her in the past two years. And she had sensed long before they came to New Earth that he would have given her more if only she could have allowed it.

"Kathryn?" His voice was soft, intimate, and his hand never stopped massaging gently.

Realizing she had been silent for too long, Kathryn offered him a gentle smile. "I can understand why your mother didn't trust anyone but you." The words came out slightly breathier than she wanted them to, and she felt a blush rising to her cheeks. Breaking eye contact quickly, she looked down at the padd in her hands although her mind didn't even note what was on it.

His hand froze, and she sensed that he was suddenly unsure. Kathryn took a deep breath, reminding herself that she was no longer his commanding officer. Reminding herself of his legend, and of all the emotions behind his words. Emotions that she was starting to feel as well, could now be honest enough to admit, if only to herself, that she had felt long before they came here.

Yet for some reason she was unable to voice those emotions aloud. And she knew he would never push her. But even if she wasn't ready or able for more, she yearned for the comfort of his hands on her, even if it was only in this mostly innocent way. The words were out almost before she realized she had thought them. "I didn't say you had to stop."

She felt his hesitation for an instant, his surprise, and then his pleasure, before he slid to sit a little more behind her, both hands now playing gently over her shoulders.

=/\=

"Sir, we're in hailing range." Harry Kim's voice broke the silence that had encompassed the bridge for the past hour.

"Open a channel." Tuvok said, years of training causing him to rise and stand at attention although he knew the channel would be audio only.

"Channel open."

"Voyager to Captain Janeway." Tuvok said without preamble.

You could have heard a pin drop on the bridge as the entire crew waited with bated breath to hear a voice that for weeks they hadn't thought they would ever hear again.

When there was only silence, Tuvok spoke again. "Tuvok to Commander Chakotay." More silence was the only reply, and a minute passed before he spoke again. "Voyager to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Captain, Commander, do you read?"

"What if something happened to them?" Harry's voice had an edge of panic to it.

"Do not jump to conclusions, Ensign." Tuvok spoke calmly. "Close the channel, and we will try again in an hour."

"But…"

"Calm down, Harry." Tom spun in his chair to face the rest of the bridge, his voice relaxed. "They probably stopped wearing their communicators, or they were damaged, or maybe there's interference from something we can't detect. There could be a million reasons why they're not answering."

"Captain?" Harry looked at Tuvok for reassurance.

"Perhaps not a million reasons," He said, one eyebrow raising, "But there is certainly no reason to speculate at this point. We will continue to try, at one hour intervals, until we reach them."

"Aye, sir." The excitement and hope were back in Harry's voice, although not quite as bright as they had been moments ago. "56 minutes until next hail."

=/\=

"What do you think?" He asked softly as his thumbs slid firmly up and down her spinal column.

"Mmmm." Eyes closed, mind drifting as all the tension in her body seemed to drain away, Kathryn realized suddenly when he chuckled that she still held the padd he had given her. That he had wanted an opinion about something. She opened her eyes with a bit of regret, looking down at the diagram that spun on the display. Then her eyes lit up with excitement. "A boat!"

"You said you wanted to explore the river. I think I could build this."

"We could go on a camping trip." Her excitement revved up another notch. In the nearly three months they had been on New Earth, they had not explored much beyond a few kilometers around their house.

Thinking about it now, it seemed strange that two people who loved exploring so much had not done much of it, but all her attentions had been on research, and his on turning their shelter into a home and on making their lives more comfortable. And even when her attentions had shifted towards his, there had been so much to do in the immediate area that they had simply never left. Now she felt her wanderlust rekindling.

"I'm not sure we could fit the bathtub in the boat." Chakotay replied with a laugh.

Kathryn laughed along with him. "Well, that's all right. I'll have the river. How long do you think it will take to build?"

"At least a week, why?"

"Because now all I can think about is exploring the area." Kathryn said with an infectious laugh. "How would you feel about a short excursion, maybe just an overnight trip to explore further into the woods?"

His hands hesitated, and she could tell he was considering it. "I kind of want to start on the boat right away, but now that you mention it…. I can't remember the last time I slept under the stars."

"We've still got almost seven hours of daylight, we could leave soon, explore, and find a campsite for dinner. Stay there overnight, then explore a few more hours in the morning before we head back." Vibrating with newfound energy, Kathryn leapt to her feet, spinning to face him. "It shouldn't take us long to get everything together."

Her enthusiasm was contagious, and he felt a huge grin break out on his face even as she reached a hand down to help him to his feet. He took her hand, more to hold it than to help himself up, and kept her fingers lightly in his own even once he had stood up. "When do we leave?"

She squeezed his hand, and to his surprise as well as her own didn't drop it as they headed into the house. "As soon as we get all the supplies together."

=/\=

"Is it true that we've been unable to raise the captain and commander?" Kes, behind the mess hall serving counter with Neelix, asked as Tom and Harry's trays were loaded up with food.

"It is, but I'm certain they're okay. " Harry said quietly. Despite his own worries, he felt the need to reassure the gentle woman. "So don't worry. There are plenty of possible reasons they could be perfectly fine but not answering. We'll be to the planet in 25 hours, and I'm sure they'll be happy to see us."

"Of course they will." Neelix interjected, putting an arm around Kes. "Imagine - being alone, well, with only one other person, for three months. They'll be so happy to see all of us again! So happy to be back on Voyager!"

"I'm sure Neelix is ri…" Tom trailed off as an ensign tapped him on the shoulder.

"So how exactly does this betting pool work?"

=/\=

"That was absolutely wonderful." Kathryn sighed as she leaned back on her arms for a moment, head nodding towards the kettle of vegetable stew that still hung in the pot over the fire.

"Well, thank my father." Chakotay said lightly, although she detected an underlying current of pain in his voice. "It was one of the only traditional recipes he could pin me down long enough to be taught how to make." In his mind's eye, he could actually see his father sitting beside him, and his words continued unbidden and unplanned. "Now I wish I had learned how to make each and every one."

Kathryn scooted closer to side, a pain running through her heart at the remorse and sadness in his voice. She ran a hand in slow circles over his back, her other hand resting lightly on his leg. She wanted to say something but was unsure how best to help him. Part of her wanted to ask him about his father, or his tribe. The bits and pieces he had told her over the past two years had always intrigued her, and now more than ever she was curious about the things that had turned him into such an amazing man. But the larger part of her didn't want to push him, didn't want to dredge up painful memories. When and if he was comfortable speaking more to her, he would.

His hand came up to cover the one she had lain on his leg almost immediately, and he squeezed it gently, showing his gratitude for her silent support. Memories of his father continued to roll through his head for a moment or two, memories that were incredibly bittersweet to him now, but they gradually faded away under the gentle touch of her hands. His entire body and mind focused on nothing but those two soft points of contact for an instant, and he found himself wanting to share all his memories with her, the painful ones as well as the happy. For now though, he decided on the happy.

"One of my favorite memories from camping trips, when I was young enough that I hadn't begun to question anything yet, was always after dinner." Chakotay's voice was soft.

Kathryn leaned closer in order to hear him better, cautiously resting her cheek on the side of his arm.

His breath went out in a sigh, his thumb beginning to rub unconsciously over the back of her hand. "My father or one of the elders would sprinkle a mixture of sage and other herbs over the fire, and as the smells rose they would tell one of the tribal legends. We would listen in awe, and once the tale was done we would roast marshmallows while we talked about it."

"Marshmallows?" Kathryn questioned. "What are those?"

"Your family never roasted marshmallows?" Chakotay asked in surprise, shifting his head enough to look down at her.

She tilted her head up without raising it from his arm, and found herself suddenly disconcerted as she stared into his deep eyes from only centimeters away. Although the uneasy feeling remained in her belly, she felt something else there as well. A warmth slowly spread through her, and when she finally did drop her eyes it wasn't with awkwardness or discomfort the dominant emotion, but the desire to cuddle a little more closely into his side. "They may have. I always spent as much of the trip as I could in the tent, studying something or other."

Her one hand still rested on his back, the other was held in his own on his thigh. He could feel the press of her body all along his side, and wanted more than ever to just lean down and kiss her. He settled for brushing his lips ever so lightly over her forehead, and the slight tensing of her muscles let him know he had been right not to try for more than that. Yet she didn't pull away, and in fact he was almost certain he heard her sign softly. "I'm glad you're not hiding in the tent now." He whispered, daring to brush his lips over the top of her head once again, closing his eyes and lingering an instant longer than the first time before he could force himself to pull back.

She was motionless for a few seconds, and he held his breath, praying to all the spirits that he hadn't made the wrong move. Then she spoke softly, her words even softer than his had been. "I'm glad as well. Now, what are marshmallows?"

He chuckled at the way she shifted the conversation, bringing it back to its original course without making what had happened awkward, yet at the same time showing that she didn't want it to go any further at the moment.

"I'll show you." Reluctantly he shifted away from her, reaching over to grab his pack and extracting two long wooden skewers and a container filled with marshmallows. Sliding one onto each skewer, he passed one to her, dimples flashing on his face when she took it with the hand that had been on his leg and kept the other one on his back.

She looked at it curiously. "What do I do with it?"

"Just hold it over the fire." Chakotay demonstrated, lowering his stick to the edge of the fire, where a bed of coals burned steadily. "You want to keep it away from the actual flame, but let it get all brown and toasty."

She placed her marshmallow near his, mimicking him as he slowly turned it so it would toast evenly. A sudden breeze livened the coals, tongues of flame licking up. Experience had Chakotay pulling his stick back just in time, but Kathryn's marshmallow caught on fire, turning black even as she drew it back.

She giggled. "Apparently I can't cook no matter what medium I use." He could hear the dry wit in her voice even through the giggles.

"I've got more." He chuckled as he pulled his perfectly roasted marshmallow off of the stick, offering it to her. "Although maybe we should see if you like it first."

"It has to be better than laola root." She replied, humor still in her voice. She started to reach out in acceptance, and then her eyes caught his.

The intensity in his dark eyes froze her hand in mid-motion, and the laughter died from both of their faces. He had looked at her like this before once, when he was telling her his feelings in the form of a legend, but even that look paled in comparison to the one he was giving her now. Kathryn could sense he was offering her so much more than what he held in his hand, if only she was willing to accept it.

TBC…..


	2. Missing

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Here's the next part. Hopefully people are enjoying this; thanks so much to the few that favorited and followed, and the one that reviewed. I'm still nervous about my first J/C fic, so please please take a second to let me know what you think. Just please no flames over how this chapter ends, I promise things will turn out okay in the end.

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The Ache We Feel

By Lady Callista

Chapter Two: Missing

"_My life was like a drama with the main character long missing - until I met you." from 'Rosario + Vampire,' S1 opening theme_

=/\=

The intensity in his dark eyes froze her hand in mid-motion, and the laughter died from both of their faces. He had looked at her like this before once, when he was telling her his feelings in the form of a legend, but even that look paled in comparison to the one he was giving her now. Kathryn could sense he was offering her so much more than what he held in his hand, if only she was willing to accept it.

Maybe it was the spell his eyes had over her, the depth of warmth and kindness in them. Maybe it was the culmination of weeks worth of gentle touches, and the longing for more of that comfort and closeness. Maybe it was simply knowing that there was no reason, other than her own fears, to not act on her feelings.

Moving almost of its own accord, her hand began reaching out again. Only instead of taking the marshmallow from him, she laid her fingers lightly on his wrist and directed his hand toward her mouth.

His eyes brightened, then slid down to her lips as he slowly fed her the gooey treat, unable to resist brushing her cheek softly with his fingertips before withdrawing his hand.

Her eyes widened in delight, both from how delicious the marshmallow was and from the fact that her cheek tingled even once his fingers had withdrawn.

"Good?" His voice was husky, intimate, and they both understood he meant more than the marshmallow.

Kathryn nodded, unable to find her voice as he raised his eyes to her own again and she saw the fire ignite.

"Kathryn." His voice still deep and flooded with emotions, he reached out to stroke her cheek once again, rocked to his core by the mixture of shyness and desire on her face. Two emotions he had never thought to see her display.

"Chakotay." She mouthed his name, her own fingers rising to ghost over his cheek in return.

His hand cupped her cheek lightly, thumb brushing softly over her lips. She saw the question on his face even as she felt his desire, and realized how careful he was still being. She wondered for a second why this seemed to be the most difficult, and important, decision she had ever made.

To give herself a few more seconds, she ran her fingers lightly up to trace his tattoo, something she had thought she would never get to do outside of dreams. His eyes slid shut and a sigh escaped his lips. For an instant he trembled.

And that tiny movement shifted everything inside her. He was the strongest man she had ever known, and now he trembled at such a slight touch.

Suddenly the words she needed were right there. "The woman warrior counted upon him to help her lead her tribe, to help her protect and guide their people. To laugh with them when they were happy, and to help her comfort them when they were sad. In brief moments of weakness, she took comfort from him herself. She learned that she could depend upon his courage, his calmness, and his quiet wisdom. She learned that he could be her strength when her own began to shake. But she was bound by the laws of her tribe to always hold herself a step back, to lock away her own feelings for the sake of her duty to the rest of the tribe."

Chokotay's eyes had opened the instant she began speaking, and he knew his heart was clearly visible in them. He felt a tear slide down his face at her soft words.

Kathryn's fingers wiped the tear away gently, feeling him do the same to the tears that were spilling slowly from her eyes. "Then one fateful day they were separated from the tribe. At first, the woman warrior tried day and night to find a way back to them. The angry warrior supported her, as he had always done, until the day she accepted that there was no way to return to their tribe, to their home. And in accepting this, she finally opened her eyes, and saw that while she had been looking to the past he had been looking to the future. And had made for her, for them, a new home. One where there were no laws to keep them apart."

Chakotay's only response to her words was to slid his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck, and with love and wonder beaming from his face he leaned down to softly capture her lips with his own.

As the kiss spun out, slowly growing beyond being soft and hesitant, Kathryn decided that was the perfect response.

Their arms slowly slid around each other, and the kiss deepened as they lost themselves in each other. For the first time in two years, Kathryn stopped thinking and did nothing but feel.

=/\=

At 00:00, the doors to the bridge slid open and Gamma shift flooded out, relieving their Beta shift counterparts one by one.

"Weren't you on Alpha shift yesterday?" The lieutenant who had been in command asked as Harry Kim moved up to relieve him. "And aren't you on Beta today?"

"I couldn't sleep." Harry said softly. "Figured I might as well do something, and the head of Gamma shift wasn't feeling well anyway."

Lieutenant Stover nodded. "All ship's systems are functioning normally. We're still at Warp 9, on a direct course to the planet where we left the captain and commander. At current speed we will reach the planet at 18:00. Hails have continued every hour, but we have received no acknowledgment. Nothing else to report."

"Very good. I relieve you."

"Aye, sir." Stover lowered his voice then, taking a step closer to Harry and briefly clasping him on the shoulder. "We'll find them safe and sound Harry, but I know we'll all feel better once we contact them."

"Agreed." Harry raised his voice. "Open a comm channel."

"Channel open, sir."

The response was instantaneous, and Harry realized with a smile that all but the last button had been punched in before he even gave the order. They were, indeed, all anxious to hear from their captain, and that anxiety had been growing by the hour.

"Voyager to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay." Harry echoed the phrase they were all hoping to be able to stop repeating soon. "Captain, Commander, do you read?"

There was no response, and Harry let out a sigh as he sank into the captain's seat. "Close channel. Notify me in an hour."

"Aye, sir."

"Good luck." Stover said softly before turning and exiting the bridge.

=/\=

Kathryn woke slowly, sliding from dreams to consciousness gradually. She felt a gentle breeze ruffling her hair, and felt sunlight on her face. And she felt the warmth of a body behind her, and the arm he had curled around her waist.

"Good morning." Chakotay's breath blew warm across the back of her neck, causing her to shiver slightly. "How did you sleep?"

Kathryn heard the note of caution in his voice, and knew he was wondering if she regretted what she had said the night before. She felt the slight tensing of his muscles, and knew he was waiting for her to push him away. Waiting for her to say that kissing had been a mistake, and that she should never have fallen asleep in his arms. He didn't yet fully trust that she had thrown away a rule that was no longer even applicable to them.

Kathryn raised the hand he had curled around her waist up to her lips, kissing his fingers gently. "Better than I've slept in two years. You?"

Every muscle in his body relaxed as he returned her gentle kiss, his landing on the back of her neck and causing her to shiver again. "Same. Shall I start breakfast?"

She chuckled. "I can almost taste the coffee. But…"

"But?"

She rolled over to face him, fingers tracing lightly over his tattoo and then his lips. "But I can taste something else as well."

"Kathryn Janeway choosing anything over coffee." His dimples blossomed to life as he kissed her softly. "I'm almost afraid this is a dream."

Kathryn chuckled, kissing his nose before saying cheekily, "I don't know about you Chakotay, but when I dream about being in your arms we do more than just sleep."

Eyes wide and mouth hanging open in shock for a moment, Chakotay realized he might have been less stunned if she had simply pulled out a phaser and shot him. By the time he managed to even begin coming up with a reply, she had already let out another laugh, rolled out of his arms, grabbed the coffee from her bag, and was on the way toward the banked fire.

=/\=

"Status, Ensign Kim?" Tuvok asked as he entered the bridge at exactly 08:00.

"Still no reply to our hails, sir." Kim said at once, rising from the captain's chair.

"I am aware of that, Ensign." Tuvok said flatly. "Had we contacted them, the entire ship would have known within minutes."

"Yes, um… All systems are operating normally. Still on course for the planet at warp 9, time until orbit 10 hours."

"Thank you, Ensign Kim. Dismissed."

"Aye, sir."

"Open a channel to the planet." Tuvok ordered, and Harry couldn't help but wait to leave the bridge until he knew if this time, finally, there would be an answer.

"Voyager to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Captain, please acknowledge. This is Voyager calling Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Do you read?"

=/\=

"Oh, I am definitely out of shape." Kathryn sighed as they arrived back at their home a few hours before sunset. "I think every muscle in my body hurts."

Chakotay chuckled. "You did set a pretty fast pace the last few hours of the trip back."

"Well, I was moving towards both the replicator and the bathtub." She returned his grin.

He slid an arm around her shoulders, a small part of him still marveling that he had the right to do so. "I can take care of dinner if you want that bath right away."

Kathryn leaned into his side, head resting on his shoulder for a moment. "That sounds divine. But I was thinking…" She shifted until she stood before him, wrapping both arms around his waist.

Chakotay hugged her back, relishing that simple touch and the fact that she had initiated it. "You were thinking?" He asked after a moment when she didn't continue. He felt her take a deep breath and then she pulled back just enough to look up into his eyes.

And with the scent of him surrounding her, with his strong arms holding her tenderly, she whispered huskily, "I was thinking I could help you with dinner, and then you could help me with my bath."

His eyes grew bright, but she heard the caution in his voice. "Are you sure? We don't need to rush this."

"We've known each other for over two years, Chakotay." Kathryn said softly, raising a hand up to cup his cheek. "We've both had… dreams about this… for a while now. I don't see a reason to wait."

He leaned down to kiss her softly, pulling back before the kiss could overwhelm either of them. "If you fill the tub while I deal with the food, we'll be able to move right from dinner to…"

Kathryn brushed another kiss over his lips, then nodded. "I'll be in shortly."

Chakotay couldn't stop himself from giving her another kiss, and hug, before he vanished into the house.

Kathryn moved to the bathtub, flipping on the vacuum hose to draw water from the river into it, then moving around to the side of the tub. Sliding the tray out from underneath, she pulled a phaser out of her backpack, using it to carefully heat up the large rocks on the tray before sliding it back into place.

Then she simply stood back and watched the tub fill even as it heated up, a part of her still marveling at the creativity, and thoughtfulness, that had gone into it. One off-hand comment, the very first day this has become their home, and he had spent countless hours working on it. Had kept it secret from her, knowing that if he had told her what he was doing she would have said it was a waste of time and effort.

It certainly didn't seem like a waste now.

Kathryn let her eyes slide shut for a moment, imagining what it would feel like to relax in his arms as the water held them both. Imagining the feel of his skin on hers, and how it would feel as his hands ran over her body. How it would feel to touch him in return. She felt the heat pooling in her belly at the mere thought, and opened her eyes with a smile.

Turning off the hose before the tub could overflow, she turned toward the house and felt her jaw drop.

Halfway between the house and the tub, a blanket was spread on the grass. Several plates of various foods sat on the edge of it, next to a bottle of wine and two glasses. Even as she slowly took a step closer, romantic music started drifting from the house. She made it one more step before he appeared in the doorway, a red rose in his hand.

Eyes locked on each other, they crossed the distance slowly, meeting on the blanket. He offered her the rose along with a beaming smile. "There's rushing things, and there's rushing things. I'll admit none of my dreams ever included a bathtub, but I'll be more than happy to participate in your fantasy if you'll play along with mine."

"Chakotay…" She whispered as she took the rose, bringing it to her nose to inhale its fragrance before leaning in to kiss him. "It's perfect." She hadn't expected any of this, but knowing him she probably should have.

They kissed again, holding each other tightly and swaying to the music for a moment, then settled down unto the blanket.

Chakotay reached for the wine, pouring both glasses and handing one to her before offering a toast. "To us."

Kathryn smiled brightly as she repeated his words and softly clinked their glasses together. "To us."

=/\=

"Voyager to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay." Tuvok tried the hail again as they approached the system. Even he was growing slightly concerned by this point over the lack of response. "Do you read?" He repeated the hail again before nodding towards Harry Kim.

Harry closed the channel at Tuvok's nod, feeling his anxiety growing. It hadn't been bad the first few times the hail had gone unanswered, but it was hard to believe they'd been away from their combadges for 29 hours.

At this point nearly half the ship seemed convinced that something had happened to them, although no one wanted to voice those thoughts aloud.

"Ensign, are we in sensor range?" Tuvok asked calmly.

"Not yet, sir." Harry replied immediately, having been watching the countdown for a while now. "12 minutes until long range sensors can scan the planet, 55 minutes until orbit."

"Very well." Tuvok laid out his plan. "Whether or not we find them on sensors, we will hail them once we reach orbit. If there is no reply and we have in fact located them on sensors, I will beam to their location. If there is no reply and we cannot locate them on sensors, I will beam down to the location where we left the supplies and attempt to ascertain what has transpired."

"But sir, Captain Janeway gave orders for no one else to beam down to the planet." Harry pointed out, more for the sake of protocol than because he thought that would, or should, stop the Vulcan.

"The Doctor has informed me that the antidote we received is enough for at least a dozen people." Tuvok answered. "Short of there being another insect down there carrying another disease we cannot cure, I will be fine."

=/\=

A smooth instrumental jazz beat pulsed through the yard as they made their way, hand in hand, over to the tub.

Kathryn worried for an instant that things would get awkward, but he simply drew her into his arms and held her eyes for a moment before kissing her softly. And as the kiss spun out she realized they were beyond the need for words.

Chakotay's hand slid to the tie at the end of her braid, fingers slowly combing out her hair even as he felt her reaching up to unbutton his shirt.

They undressed each other slowly, with reverence rather than hesitation. Gentle brushes of fingers mixed with soft kisses, and their sighs of pleasure filled the air around them.

And when they slid naked into the tub, Chakotay simply leaned back for a few minutes, pulling her back to rest against his chest, his arms loosely around her.

Chakotay chuckled when her fingers began to trial lightly up and down his thighs, and he responded by dropping kisses over her neck and collarbone.

They went on that way for a long time, hands slowly learning each other's bodies, sighs turning to moans, and the heat between them building until it seemed the water would begin to boil.

Finally, Kathryn turned slowly in the circle of his arms, kneeling over his legs, their bodies pressed together tightly. She leaned in for another slow, drawn out kiss. Her head spun and her body burned as their cores rubbed against each other for the first time.

"Kathryn." He whispered her name like a prayer. "I love you." The love burned from his eyes as he drew her back into the kiss, and she didn't know if it was minutes or hours later when they finally pulled apart to breath.

Their eyes locked on each other's once again, and she had just opened her mouth to give him the words back when they both heard an unmistakable sound. A sound they had never thought they would hear again.

They were frozen in place, their eyes taking on a look of horror.

Tuvok materialized less than two meters away.

He took less than a second to take in the scene before him before executing a precise one-eighty. His back to them, he spoke as if he had seen nothing out of the ordinary. "Captain. Commander. We have an antidote."

The bottom dropped out of their world.

TBC…


	3. Sorrow

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks so much to the awesome people who reviewed my story, as well as those that are favoriting and following. I would still write without any of that, but I write much faster when I know people are enjoying and looking forward to my story. And sorry it took a few days longer than I told you it would. Oh, and it should be obvious, but italics are flashbacks.

* * *

The Ache We Feel

By Lady Callista

Chapter Three: Sorrow

"_That farewell kiss which resembles greeting, that last glance of love which becomes the sharpest pang of sorrow." -George Eliot_

=/\=

"Captain, Commander." Tuvok spoke with his back to the bathtub that contained both of his commanding officers. He was already purging the image from his mind. "We have an antidote." When no response was immediately forthcoming, he spoke again. "I apologize for my unexpected arrival. We've been attempting to hail you for the past 30 hours, but when we received no response I decided to beam down."

Mind spinning, Chakotay automatically looked down to Kathryn for a response, but she had sunk her head to his chest and was shaking slightly. Taking a firm grip on his own emotions, Chakotay managed a neutral voice. "Our combadges are in the house. We've been away for the past day, exploring. If you could… could wait for us in the house, we'll join you in a moment."

"Of course, Commander. I will also contact Voyager and let everyone know that you are alright." Tuvok walked towards the house without a backwards glance, and a moment after he entered the music stopped.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay whispered softly. When she didn't respond, he tightened his grip on his emotions. Tuvok was waiting in the house, and they had to go in and see him. They had to once again be the captain and commander he had come to find. There would be plenty of time to mourn later. He took a deep breath, and said the one word he had never thought to speak again. "Captain."

The title was like a bucket of cold water dumped over her head. Her thoughts had been running in circles since Tuvok appeared, but nothing that she could make sense of. It had been as if her mind, and her heart, had overloaded. But one word changed that.

Captain. She was the captain. She forced her body to stop shaking, forced herself to move out of Chakotay's arms. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. "We… We'll talk later. For now…"

"For now, we talk to Tuvok."

Their eyes met briefly, and for an instant Chakotay and Kathryn let all their emotions show. And then, even as he watched, her eyes dimmed, and the captain's mask was once again on her face.

Neither of them spoke as they quickly dried off and put on their robes, then headed towards the house. Although he wanted more than anything to hold her hand, Chakotay fell in a step behind her and to the right. And told himself he would have to get used to that again.

As soon as they walked into the house, Tuvok stopped examining the sand painting hung on the wall and spun to face them. "Captain, Commander. It is good to see you again."

"It's good to see you as well, Tuvok." The captain replied briefly. "Now, you said you have a cure."

"We do. We have enough for over a dozen people, which is why I disobeyed orders to beam down." Tuvok replied. "We have a team waiting to help pack up all of the equipment."

Janeway felt her heart clutch at the idea of crewmembers moving about their house, packing things up without regard for the memories around them. Seeing his artwork, his woodcrafts. The things that had been made for her. The home they had shared.

But that wasn't something she could say to Tuvok. Then she thought of something she could say. "Just because there's a cure for the disease that affected Chakotay and I doesn't mean there couldn't still be other hazards on this planet. The fact that there is one disease like the one we contracted means there is a chance of other similar ones, ones that might not respond to the cure. I don't want anyone else beaming down, in fact I'd like you to return to the ship as well, we'll let you know when we're ready for everything to be transported up."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow, but didn't argue. "We will be awaiting your hail, and will transport you directly to sickbay."

"Understood." Janeway replied.

Tuvok hesitated for an instant before speaking again. "My official report will state that you were just returning from exploring when I beamed down. Voyager, one to beam up."

Both stood motionless for an instant, then Janeway swung into action. "Well, let's get packing."

And before Chakotay could say anything, she had marched into her bedroom, and he could hear the sounds of cases opening. Deciding it was best to leave it be for the moment, and give them both some time to think about what had happened, Chakotay started packing up the kitchen.

It took them nearly an hour, and they worked in silence the entire time, avoiding eye contact and making sure they didn't so much as brush hands.

It wasn't until he came in carrying the blanket, wine, and rose that had still been out in the yard, that it happened.

One moment he was folding the blanket neatly, and the next she was beside him, reaching out a finger to touch the rose. And then she was sobbing into his chest, her arms locked around him as if nothing else in the world was solid.

"Shhh…." His arms came around her automatically, rubbing circles over her back as he stroked her hair. "It's going to be alright." He continued to murmur soothingly, not even sure what he was saying anymore

"I have to be the captain again. I have to stay a step back from everyone." She melted into his embrace and the comfort of his touch. Comfort she hadn't felt in years, and didn't know when she would be able to receive again. "I don't want to lose this. Lose you. I don't know how I'll bear it. But…" She trailed off into sobs again.

"Shhh… Kathryn. You're not losing me. I'll still be right beside you, as I've always been."

"How are we supposed to go back to how we were?" She sniffed.

"For months, the warriors lived happily together, their thoughts on nothing but each other and the paradise they found themselves in. Until the day came that they were reunited with their tribe, and its rules, and torn apart from each other." His voice was soft and gentle, and although she heard the pain in it she also heard his acceptance, and his strength.

She realized at once what he was doing. He was putting aside his own pain, and putting her needs first. As he had always done. She needed to be the captain again, they needed to once again be the command team of Voyager.

She shifted back from him, just enough to reach up and trace her fingers over his cheek. "This is so unfair to you."

"To both of us." He whispered, leaning his head into her touch. "It's alright, Kathryn. At least we got a glimpse of paradise."

"I didn't imagine this could happen. If I had thought Voyager might come back…"

"I didn't think they would come back either." Chakotay said softly. "But I knew that if they ever did, if somehow we ever went back to Voyager, that what had happened here would stay here."

"I never had that thought. I couldn't consider it…"

"I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt, or that it won't be really hard, at first. But we can do this. We have to."

"I can't regret what happened between us, but a little part of me almost wishes it hadn't. Wishes that I could have saved myself from the pain." Kathryn whispered, eyes on his.

He gave her a gentle smile, and kissed her softly on the forehead. "I wouldn't trade the lack of pain for the memories."

"The best memories of my life have been these past few weeks." Kathryn took a deep breath, her eyes gazing into his. "I don't know if this will make it hurt more or less, but I have to say it once, before I can't." Her voice trembled, and she took strength from his touch and the love in his eyes. "I love you."

His eyes widened, and a look of such tenderness mixed with pain crossed his face that for a second she couldn't breath. And she wondered if she had made a mistake.

A single tear trailed down his cheek, and she wiped it away with a trembling finger as he finally spoke, "Right this second it hurts more, but I'm glad you said it. One more memory to cherish. I love you, Kathryn."

They kissed, gently at first, then with a growing desperation, and then finally gently once again. They embraced for a long moment, and drew back from each other at the same instant.

There was nothing else to say. They finished packing their last few belongings in silence, and changed into the uniforms they had replicated.

Kathryn felt her fingers trembling as she pinned her hair up into it's normal chignon, and stilled them with sheer force of will.

They met in the middle of the house, sharing a long look before they turned to face the door. "Janeway to Voyager. Two to beam up."

=/\=

"Captain on the bridge." Tuvok announced as she and Chakotay exited the turbolift. Everyone rose and turned to face them, smiles on their faces.

Janeway acknowledged them for an instant, then moved to stand in front of Tuvok. "The Doctor tells me you contacted the Vidiians after all."

"I disobeyed your order, Captain. I am prepared to accept the consequences."

"If I didn't know you better, I'd say your decision was almost emotional." She said in a wry voice. Then, with a small smile she slowly spun to include the entire bridge in her comments. "Thank you all. Well, we've lost time with all this. Let's see if we can make some of it up. Mister Paris, warp eight."

"Aye, Captain."

The captain and commander took their seats as they felt the warp engines engage, and Janeway immediately picked up a padd from the station between them and began to download reports into it. She spoke without looking up.

"Commander, we'll need to review the ship's systems. I'll handle propulsion, environmental and communication. You'll be responsible for sensors, weapons and transporters."

"Aye, Captain." Chakotay said in the same businesslike voice she was using. "I'll have a report to you by 08:00."

"Check with phaser maintenance. See if they solved that problem with the pre-fire chamber temperature." Janeway kept her voice brisk, and still didn't look at him. She wasn't sure what would happen if she did.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll see to it." He felt like a second-rate actor. He knew the lines, he knew his part, but something just wasn't right. He couldn't be himself with her anymore.

For a while they worked in silence, the random sounds of the ship almost disconcerting after months of living on a planet.

They didn't speak or look at each other, didn't engage in any of the friendly banter they often had when working the same shift. They just stared down at their padds.

Perhaps an hour had passed, and both were just starting to relax a little, when without looking they both reached for the center consol at the same time.

Their fingers brushed each other, and suddenly the captain was on her feet. "You have the bridge, Commander. I'll be in my ready room."

"Aye, Captain."

=/\=

"Coffee, black." Janeway said immediately upon entering her ready room. Tossing the padd onto her desk, she grabbed the mug and inhaled deeply before raising it to take a gulp. She didn't realize her hand was shaking until the hot liquid sloshed over and burned her hand.

With a curse, she managed to set the cup on her desk and moved behind it, pulling the dermal regenerator the doctor didn't know she had out of a drawer and running it over her hand with a sigh.

She settled into her chair, started to pick up the padd, and noticed her hand was still shaking. With another sigh, this one deeper, she carefully picked up her cup and walked across the room, ascending the stairs and sitting on the couch.

For a few moments Janeway simply stared into the depths of her cup, trying to let her mind calm itself and get back to the business at hand. She had nearly three months of ship's logs and reports to go through, and if Chakotay was going to send his report to her by 08:00, she would have to make sure her own report got to him at the same time.

His eyes were almost the exact color of the coffee.

Kathryn let out her deepest sigh yet, putting the cup on the table and sliding her legs up under her as she shifted to look out the viewport at the stars streaking by. And found herself wishing that they weren't moving too fast for her to really see.

"_We should start coming up with names for them." _

"_What?" Kathryn looked up from the padd she was using to inventory the fruits they had discovered on a recent foray into the woods. She found him still on the grass about a meter away from her, but his woodcarving tools sat forgotten as he lay on the grass, looking up at the stars._

"_When you were little, and you stood on Earth looking up at the stars, did you only dream of traveling through them? Or did you ask someone their names? Did you ever hear the stories about them? Stories made up by people thousands of years ago, who couldn't have ever dreamed that one day mankind would fly through those stars."_

_She heard the wistful notes in his voice, and with a smile put her padd aside and scooted over to lay on the grass beside him. "I studied them the way I studied everything. I knew the old names for them, and the stories of the constellations." Then she chuckled. "I also knew their modern names, what types of stars they were, and their distance from Earth."_

_He chuckled along with her. "I can't say I'm surprised you knew all that. But did you ever just lay in that yard in Indiana and watch them? Maybe, make up your own stories?"_

"_Of course not. That would have been a waste of time." Kathryn said blandly._

"_I see." He started to sit up with a sigh, and was shocked when he felt her gentle touch on his wrist. _

_She was still laying back, her face relaxed in a way he was slowly starting to get used to seeing, wearing the small smile that always brightened his day. She pointed up towards the stars. "Those six there, they look a little like our monkey friend."_

_He lay back down, following the direction she was pointing. Two stars lay close together, one slightly above the other. Four others formed a rectangle around it, and it didn't take much imagination to see the raised hands and outspread feet of the monkey. "I see what you mean. What else do you see?"_

"_I haven't seen anything else yet." She said softly. "Which stars were you looking at?"_

_He gestured to a grouping, and began making up a story on the spot about the wolf he thought it looked like. Even as he spoke, part of his mind was focused on the fact that her fingers still lay lightly over his wrist. He began to slowly slide his hand up, letting her fingers trail over the back of his hand before turning it over to hold hers lightly._

_She squeezed his fingers once, then lay quietly with her hand in his as she listened to his story._

Still staring out the viewport, Kathryn wiped absently at the single tear trailing down her cheek, and wondered how long it would take her to lock Kathryn away again, and be only the captain. And she wondered if she had the strength to do it, especially since the person she drew strength from the most wouldn't be able to help her.

=/\=

TBC….


	4. Remember

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it's always good to know people are enjoying a fic. I'm trying to keep a good pace for this story, not so slow that there is chapter after chapter of them bemoaning and brooding, but enough to show the passage of time and how they're mentally dealing with things. (And one more quick thing so I don't get people trying to 'fix my mistake.' I am aware that for some reason most J/C fanfics refer to Chakotay's Maquis ship as the _Liberty_. I have no idea where this came from, as according to Memory-Alpha which gives a cannon reference, that ship was called the _Val Jean_.)

* * *

The Ache We Feel

By Lady Callista

Chapter Four: Remember

"_I can still remember how my heart would beat while in your arms, and you said you'd be with me always." -from Rosario + Vampire_

=/\=

**First Officer's Log, Stardate 49823.3**

**"I have completed my review of sensors, weapons, and transporters, and sent it to the captain. The full report is attached to this entry, but in summary I'll just say that Mr. Tuvok and the crew took very good care of the ship while we were gone. I don't have a duty shift today, and plan to spend the day reviewing all the crew schedules, and putting myself and Captain Janeway back onto the duty roster."**

Log complete, Chakotay leaned back from the desk with a sigh. "Jasmine tea, hot." He wandered over to the replicator for a moment, then set the tea on his desk and paced restlessly around his quarters for a few minutes.

He had barely gotten any sleep, waking constantly to sounds that his mind was no longer accustomed to. There was always a brief moment of disorientation, where he half expected to feel her in his arms, and then both disappointment and resignation when he remembered where he was.

In one way, he really was happy to be back on the ship. He had missed his friends a great deal, as well as the challenge and excitement of exploring the stars. The dream that one day they would get back to Earth had returned. If the closeness he and Kathryn had developed while on New Earth could have remained with them on _Voyager_, he would have been perfectly happy. But he had to sacrifice one dream to have the other.

It wouldn't be that bad, he told himself as he settled down to look over the duty rosters, part of his mind already figuring how to rearrange bridge watches to include himself and Kathryn. He slid Tuvok back to his tactical station for tomorrow's alpha shift, putting both himself and Kathryn on the shift without thinking about it.

Although he had sometimes led beta shift by himself, most of the time he and Kathryn had been together on alpha shift. It allowed each of them to spend part of their shifts in their offices going over or writing reports, and also allowed them the chance to visit various parts of the ship to check on whatever was going wrong that day.

It also let them sit together on the bridge, leaning over their central consol to talk quietly, exchanging stories or ideas about the crew, exchanging smiles, and engaging in the mild flirting and teasing that had become so much a part of their relationship…

His thoughts came to a grinding halt.

Chakotay took a deep breath, rising to pace the room again. He tried to picture them on the bridge together again, remembering how awkward it had been the evening before. They hadn't looked at each other, had barely spoken, and when their hands had brushed as they both reached for the console they had both frozen in shock for an instant, and then she had fled the bridge.

He had sat after she left, all work scattered from his mind for a minute as he remembered how her fingers had once touched him much less innocently. As his mind flashed back to holding her in his arms, hands sliding up and down her body.

He could still taste their last kiss.

With effort, he pulled his mind away from thoughts of her, locking the pain of their separation away as best he could.

It had been different before New Earth. His feelings for her had been just as strong, but he had been content with the relationship they had. Content with being her best friend, her confidant, and the one person she could lean on in the rare moments she allowed herself to lean on anyone. He had enjoyed the mild flirting, the teasing that ignored rank, and the brief touches that had shown so much of what they couldn't say.

And although he believed that in time they would get that back, it would be so much harder now that they both knew they could have had so much more. For now, some space was probably best.

He edited the shift changes, leaving her on alpha but putting himself on beta. If anyone thought it odd, he could simply say that he was easing the strain on other officers, ones who in the past three months had commanded more bridge shifts than they were used to. It was even true.

He just didn't think he could deal with working directly with her yet. Not until he could look at her and think of Captain Janeway instead of Kathryn.

=/\=

Captain Janeway had just finished transmitting her summary of ship's systems to Chakotay when the computer beeped, signaling that she had a new message. Calling it up, she found Chakotay's report on his half of the systems, and read over it thoughtfully as she drank her third cup of coffee. The report was thorough, and came to the same conclusion that her own did. Tuvok and the crew had done just fine without their command team.

It was slightly disconcerting to realize that for three months they had done just fine without her.

Trying to cheer herself up, she scanned back through Tuvok's captain's logs, noting that other than the incident with the Vidiians, nothing of note had really happened. No strange anomalies, no alien attacks, no rips in the fabric of space-time, no distress calls that turned into traps; in short, nothing that a fresh out of the academy ensign couldn't handle.

And that wasn't giving her old friend or her crew enough credit, she thought with a sigh. She believed that no matter what came up, they would have handled it. She was just glad to be back in command again, glad that she had a second chance to fulfill her promise to the crew and get them home.

Home. Earth. Mark.

With a sigh, she rose and ordered a forth cup of coffee. It wasn't just regulations that had kept her from allowing herself and Chakotay to develop a romantic relationship while on _Voyager_. It had been knowing she still had a fiancé back on Earth. And although it was likely that Starfleet Headquarters had declared their ship lost after a year or so, had in fact almost certainly stopped searching for them and declared them dead, she still felt a loyalty to the man she had left behind.

He had probably moved on with his life by now, part of her even hoped he had. And even if he hadn't yet, there was no way of knowing how long it would take them to get home, and he would certainly have moved on by then.

Keeping Mark in mind had been her safety net, making it much easier for her to hold to the regulation of a captain not having a romantic relationship with a member of her crew.

But after what had happened on New Earth, that safety net was gone. Although it had been hard to admit to herself, her feelings for Chakotay were much stronger and deeper than the ones she had for Mark. She knew that even if Mark miraculously waited for her, she could never be with him again. Never settle for that quiet, comfortable love after feeling such passion and heat.

Her door chime interrupted the memories, and she called out gratefully, "Enter."

"Good morning, Captain." Kes moved towards her with a smile. "I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"Not at all, Kes." With a smile Janeway rose and gestured the young woman towards the couch under the viewports. "What's on your mind?"

"First off I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're back, Captain. We've missed you."

"I missed you as well." She smiled truthfully.

"And I wanted to let you know that Neelix is throwing a welcome home party for you and the commander tonight in the mess hall, at 21:00."

It was a nice thought, and something she should have expected from Neelix, but people would want to talk about New Earth, would ask how they had passed their time down there. He would be there of course, as vital and handsome as ever, and she would have to make polite small talk, have to ignore his dimples flashing, have to wear her captain's mask and not let her face flush or her body heat as memories randomly popped up. Which she knew they would. At least once an hour she was distracted by some memory, or daydream, or…

Janeway took a deep breath, trying desperately to get her emotions under control before the empathic Ocampa noticed.

"Captain, are you alright?"

"Yes, sorry." She took another deep breath. "I just have a lot to do after being gone for so long. But I'll make sure to put in an appearance tonight; let Neelix know it was very thoughtful of him to arrange everything."

"Of course, Captain. I'll let you get back to your work then." Kes rose with a smile and turned to leave, her eyes catching on something on the dining table as she left. "I don't recall seeing that flower before, it's beautiful. What is it?"

Kathryn's eyes flew to the table, instantly regretting the midnight bout of insomnia that had caused her to move the rose, which she had put in a stasis vase, to the middle of her main table. But she hadn't been able to deal with seeing it on her bedside table every time she woke from bittersweet dreams. "It's an Earth flower, a rose. A… a friend gave it to me."

Kes noticed her captain's discomfort at once and dropped the subject. "It's beautiful." She repeated softly, noticing a look in her friend's eyes she didn't want to intrude on. "Well, I'll see you tonight, Captain."

"Yes, of course." Kathryn said distractedly, barely noticing as the young woman took her leave. She remained on the couch, staring at the rose. Remembering.

His eyes, filled with tenderness as he handed her the rose. The feel of his lips as they pressed tenderly against her own. The feel of his muscles flexing under her at first tentative touches. The ache in her heart as he held her in his arms for the last time.

The beep of her desk monitor pulled her abruptly across the light years separating New Earth from _Voyager_, and with a groan she wiped the tears from her eyes, moved the rose back into the bedroom, and became the captain again.

=/\=

22:00

"So this is where you decided to hide out." B'Elanna called out as she walked into the holodeck, stopping a few meters in to watch as Chakotay circled an opponent in the boxing ring.

"Isn't it considered polite to ask permission to enter someone's holodeck program?" Chakotay questioned as he blocked several jabs coming towards his face and retaliated with a mean right hook that knocked his opponent a step back.

"Isn't it considered polite to let people know before you leave your own party?" She fired back. "Or maybe talk to people while you're there?"

"Computer, freeze program." Chakotay said, then turned to face her. "So since I wouldn't talk there you followed me here?"

"What's bothering you?" She said simply.

"That's blunt." He said flatly as he exited the ring and walked toward her.

"I get the captain leaving early, she knows the crew doesn't really relax while she's at a party and so she always leaves early." B'Elanna countered. "But you're usually one of the last ones to leave. You like parties, Chakotay. You like talking to people, and watching them. It also lets you judge the atmosphere and moral of the crew, and shows them that you're available to them."

"Your point, Lieutenant?" Chakotay responded more harshly than he meant to.

"You always used to stop in the mess hall for either breakfast or lunch, or just to chat with people. But you didn't go there at all today, except for the party. And you barely talked to anyone while you were there, and left after less than an hour. I don't think you talked to the captain once, and you damn near jumped out of your skin when she put her hand on your shoulder when she was saying goodbye to us. And she looked like she had just put her hand in a live plasma socket. Hence, I want to know what's bothering you."

Chakotay let out a sigh as he watched her pace back and forth as she ranted at him. When she finally wound down, he said quietly. "It's nothing."

She spun to face him and spat, "That's never worked between us."

"Well, it's gonna have to this time." He answered her back in kind, then sighed again and added softly, "I can't always tell you everything anymore."

"Computer, seal Holodeck 2."

Chakotay tilted his head, eyes asking a question even as the computer responded that the holodeck was sealed.

"Run program _Val Jean 2_." B'Elanna ordered.

He felt his eyes widen even as the computer asked for an access code.

"Authorization Torres, lambda mu two four six zero one."

The boxing ring melted away, and the commander's quarters on the _Val Jean_ materialized around them. Chakotay raised his eyebrows as she flopped down on the single bed, resting her back along the wall in a familiar pose. "I used to come here when I needed to think, or just chill out and forget about Starfleet procedures and I-swallowed-the-damn-book engineers who had pissed me off during my shift."

He didn't reply, but she could see the memories in his eyes as he looked around the room.

"We've been friends a very long time, Chakotay." B'Elanna said casually, putting one arm behind her on the wall to cushion her head and patting the bed next to her with a smile. "I can't count the number of conversations we had in this room, and there was never anything we couldn't say to each other. Our hopes, our fears, our most exhilarating moments, and our deepest and most private sorrows. I want to talk to that Chakotay. I thought I'd never see you again, and in a way it feels like I'm still not."

"That was two years ago, B'Elanna. I'm not the same person I was then, neither are you." But he reclined on the bed with her, tucking himself into the corner, feeling slightly nostalgic as he pulled a knee up to rest on the bed like he used to.

"Forget _Voyager_. Forget rules and rank. Just be my friend, like you used to be. Talk to me like you used to. I can see that something is wrong."

"Well, if I forget about _Voyager_, rank, and rules, then it's true that nothing is wrong." He said wryly, without really thinking about it.

She reached out and put her hand on his knee, not really surprised by the way the conversation was going. "Chakotay, what happened on New Earth?"

"Too much, and not enough." He said softly, not looking at her. He trusted her not to say anything to anyone else, and although there had definitely been an understanding that they wouldn't tell anyone about what had happened, Kathryn hadn't actually asked or ordered him not to. And dear spirits he needed someone to talk to, even though there was nothing she could say to make things better. "But it doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters." She snarled, fists punching the thin mattress for emphasis. "You're hurting. I don't think most of the crew can see it, but I can."

"I'll get over it." He said softly, leaning up enough to put a hand over one of her fists. "It'll just take some time to lock everything away."

"You really love her, don't you?" All the anger and frustration were gone from her voice, although she couldn't bring her self to meet his eyes. Finally, after nearly a minute of silence she dared to look into his face, and saw way too many emotions swirling there to make sense of. "I can see it in your eyes, Chakotay. In your words, your actions. It's been growing for a long time."

"And as long as we're on _Voyager_ there is no place for it."

"But on New Earth there was." B'Elanna said sarcastically, temper getting the better of her as she popped up to pace the small room. "Damn it, how could she do that to you? How could she give you that, and take it all away? Expect you to just go back to…"

"I knew that it would have to go away if we ever made it back to _Voyager_." Chakotay cut her off, and the lack of bitterness in his voice stunned her into freezing, then turning to gape at him as he continued. "I knew she would never let it continue here, I even understand why. I really do understand, B'Elanna. I don't know if I agree or not, but I can see it from her perspective and I respect what she wants. She's hurting, too, B'Elanna, even though she'll never let anyone see it. It's just going to take both of us time to get things back to how they used to be."

She deflated, and returned to sit beside him. "Is there anything I can do?"

"There's nothing anyone can do." Chakotay's reply was immediate. "Except give me, and her, time."

"You really aren't going to fight for her?"

"If it was something I could fight, I would. But I'm not going to fight _with_ her. In the end the result would be the same, but it would hurt her even more." His voice was more introspective than she had ever heard it, and she heard the finality behind the barely contained grief.

She sat silently for a long moment, heart breaking for him. He was the best man she had ever known, with so much love and caring to give. Finally she sighed, knowing that there really was nothing she could do. "Let me know if there's anything, even if it's just someone to talk to."

"I will." Chakotay gave her a ghost of a smile. "Thanks."

B'Elanna nodded, and patted his knee before rising and heading toward the door. She was about to order the holodeck unsealed, but hesitated.

Chakotay noticed at once. "Something else?"

B'Elanna sighed, then sat back down across from him. "I wasn't going to tell you, but uh, as soon as we got the cure and headed back, a betting pool started."

Chakotay sighed. "Paris?"

She nodded minutely, not at all surprised that he had figured it out.

"I'm going to hate this, aren't I?"

She shrugged a shoulder. "2 replicator rations to enter. Yes or No answer to if the two of you, well, had a romantic relationship. If yes, how many weeks did it take to start? Pool split among the winners, with Paris taking ten percent no matter what."

"And how exactly did he expect to get the correct answer?" Chakotay raised an eyebrow.

"Don't ask me." She huffed.

"I will say I'm surprised Tuvok didn't stop it. Or that the captain hasn't found out by now and thrown Tom in the brig."

"Tuvok is probably the only person on the ship that doesn't know." B'Elanna laughed. "And I know no one is suicidal enough to tell the captain, or to ask her the answer."

Chakotay thought about it for a minute, and decided she was right about that. He asked himself how he felt about it, and in the end realized it didn't really bothered him. In a way, it showed the family-atmosphere of the ship, where everyone cared about what happened to everyone else, but at the same time weren't too concerned with sticking their noses in other people's issues. He leaned back against the wall casually. "So, what did most people think?"

She chucked. "Uh, about half the Starfleet crew, although none of the women, picked 'no.' All the Maquis, and all of the Starfleet women, said 'yes.' I have no idea what the popular time frames were."

"What did you say?" He couldn't help asking.

She blushed slightly, looked away with a huff, but answered, "Nine weeks."

"That long?"

She smiled then. "It's the question of the unstoppable force versus the immovable object. She isn't immovable, but rather anchored by regulations. I just had to figure out how long it would take her to forget those."

"I'm an unstoppable force?" Chakotay chuckled, although he found her analogy rather apt.

"When you want something, oh yes, you are." There was humor in her voice that spoke to their long history. "So, was I right?"

"That depends on how you define a romantic relationship." He mumbled.

She chuckled. "From what he said, he didn't mean a kiss, or… _or_. Seems more like he meant whatever moment you two would define as the 'beginning' of such a relationship."

His thoughts drifted back to the night he had first touched her in a way he had never dared to before, and told her a legend. He saw again the soft look of affection in her eyes as their hands had locked over the table; it was the first time he had seen her as _only_ Kathryn. "Then you win. Not that you'll ever be able to collect, because if this goes beyond the two of us I'm tossing you out the nearest airlock. "

"You know it won't." B'Elanna said softly. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Chakotay nodded minutely, and watched as she unsealed the holodeck and left slowly. He wasn't sure if talking to someone had made it better or worse.

=/\=

TBC…


	5. Scars

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks so much for the continued reviews, and double thanks to those who told me they loved the scene with B'Elanna in the previous chapter. I was hesitant at first to write the softer side of her because we so rarely see it this early in the series, but it just kinda felt right. I'm really hoping the scene with Kathryn and Tuvok in the next chapter goes over just as well. For now, enjoy some fun with aliens!

* * *

The Ache We Feel

By Lady Callista

Chapter Five: Scar

"_Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again." -Rosa Parks_

=/\=

**Captain's Personal Log, Stardate 49850.2**

**It's been over a week since Chakotay and I left New Earth, and I'm seriously starting to doubt if things will ever go back to how they used to be. We're awkward around each other to an extent I know the crew has picked up on it. Thankfully nothing has really happened to Voyager, because at the moment I'm not sure how the command team would respond. By mutual agreement, and without discussion, we skipped our weekly dinner four day ago. We've stopped having our morning discussions in my ready room. In fact, we've stopped having shifts together. We write each other brief memos in lieu of having to be alone. We've stopped having discussions at all, only brief words exchanged here and there as duty demands. **

**I miss him so much. It hurts so much. And what's worse is that I have no one to blame but myself. If I could just talk myself into tossing aside that damn regulation… One of the main reasons it exists is to prevent exactly what is happening to us now. I still dream about him, and the strangest things trigger memories. I don't want to have to make myself forget those memories to stay sane, or to remember them with nothing but sadness and thoughts of what might have been. I want to treasure them, and make more. But I'm afraid to take that step.**

=/\=

"Neelix thought you might like to try another of his new coffee blends." Kes said with a smile as she approached the captain's chair on the bridge.

Janeway managed a half-smile as she looked warily at the pot in Kes's hands. "Um, that sounds… nice."

Kes smiled in return. "He promises it's better than the last one, Captain."

"As the last one tasted like something we'd scrubbed of the warp coils, let's hope this is better." Paris tossed over his shoulder.

A sudden beeping from the communications consol had everyone glancing in that direction.

"Mr. Kim, report." Janeway rose, gratefully handed the cup of not-coffee back to Kes, and turned to face her officer.

"Captain, we're receiving a broadband distress call. A ship named the _Ferrier_, unfamiliar to sensors. They're under attack by the Kazon and requesting help." Harry replied quickly.

"Any enemy of the Kazon just might be a friend of ours." Janeway answered. "Send the coordinates to the helm, Mr. Paris lay in a course at maximum warp."

"Yes ma'am."

"Mr. Tuvok, charge phasers and raise shields. Prepare to target the Kazon's weapons on my order."

It only took a few minutes to reach the other ships, and Janeway had Harry open a channel as soon as they dropped out of warp. A single small Kazon warship was firing on what appeared to be a small cargo vessel.

"Kazon vessel, this is Captain Janeway aboard the Starship _Voyager_. Cease your attack."

The Kazon's only response was to begin firing on _Voyager_ as well. "Direct hit, shields holding at 92%"

"Tuvok, fire." Janeway ordered as the bridge began to shake slightly. They quickly took out the Kazon's weapons, and Janeway sighed and shook her head as the ship retreated. "They always have to do things the hard way. Mr. Kim, hail the _Ferrier_."

"Channel open, Captain."

"This is Captain Janeway of the Federation Starship _Voyager_ to the _Ferrier_. Do you require assistance?"

The viewscreen changed to show a dark room filled with flashing lights and smoke. A slightly panicked looking humanoid with yellow skin and a tattoo swirling over his ridged forehead leaned into view. "Apologies that you must speak to me and not our First. My name is Al'Endon, I am Second of the _Ferrier_. We have many wounded, and our medical bay suffered decompression during the attacks. Would you be able to help our people?"

"Of course… Second." Janeway hesitated slightly over the title. "I can transport your people over to our ship for medical assistance, and I can also loan you some engineers to help you get your ship back in order."

"Thank you, First, both for driving the Kazon away and for your help. I'll have our Chief Mechanic waiting to meet your people. I'll be coming over with the wounded."

"I promise you we'll take good care of them, wouldn't you be more useful staying on your ship to oversee repairs?" Janeway asked, hearing the bridge doors swish behind her and knowing that Kes was already on her way to Sickbay.

"I'm no mechanic. My First is among the wounded and I must be with her." The panic returned to his voice.

"All right, Mr. Al'Endon. I'll meet you there." Once the channel was closed, Janeway ordered the wounded, and the Second, beamed directly to Sickbay. "Tuvok, you have the bridge. Keep an eye out for more Kazon ships. Get Torres to assign engineering teams for that ship, and contact Commander Chakotay and have him meet me in Sickbay."

=/\=

"Report, Doctor." Janeway ordered as she entered Sickbay.

"Five casualties, Captain, none of them critical." The Doctor responded as he breezed by her on the way from one biobed to another. "And one uninjured who won't stop hovering around this patient."

Janeway saw Al'Endon standing next to an unconscious woman, his fingertips resting on her forehead. He resisted as the Doctor tried to move him aside, and with a huff the Doctor did his best to work around the man.

Chakotay entered behind her, and Janeway took a brief moment to fill him in before moving towards Al'Endon and the woman, who she assumed was his First, whatever exactly that meant. "How is she, Doctor?"

"Minor head trauma, concussion, several plasma burns to her arms, all of which I've repaired. She should be awake shortly."

"Many thanks to you once again." Al'Endon said without looking up. His hand remained on her forehead, and now that the Doctor was finished working on her arms he took one of her hands as well. "I don't know what I would have done if I had lost her."

"You called her First, and you addressed me that way as well on the bridge" Janeway said, moving to the other side of the biobed. "Is she your captain? Your leader?"

"She and I command the ship."

Chakotay was just about to question the wording of that when the woman on the biobed began to wake up. Her eyes immediately locked on Al'Endon, and for a moment it seemed all they did was stare at one another.

"Captain, they're telepathic." Kes's quiet voice came as she stepped up to Janeway's side.

"He's telling her what happened, and that the ship and all their people will be okay."

The woman sat up suddenly, turning at once to face the captain. She held her hand out, palm towards Janeway and fingers outspread. "Greetings to Janeway, the First of _Voyager,_ on behalf of the Malkyrians. I am Al'Lenia, First of _Ferrier_. I apologize that my Second had to speak to you without benefit of my introduction."

Janeway cocked her head, noting with curiosity that the Second now stood with his eyes downcast. Obviously some custom had been breached. "I was not offended, First. I will admit I'm unfamiliar with your people and your customs."

"Are your customs not the same?" Al'Lenia asked curiously, dropping her hand as her eyes flicked to Chakotay. "Your Second also carries a bonding mark."

"Bonding mark?" Chakotay asked in confusion as he and Janeway exchanged a glance.

"And he speaks without introduction." Al'Lenia looked slightly offended at first, then shook her head with a sigh. "My apologies again, First. Obviously your ways are different than ours. But he is your Second, correct?"

"My title is Captain, I'm the leader of this ship. He is second in command." Janeway said carefully, nodding in his direction. "This is Commander Chakotay."

Al'Lenia and Al'Endon exchanged a look. "Among our people, a bonded couple always command a ship. The woman is in charge, is First, and the man's task is to support her in all ways. He is bodyguard, confidant, lover, counselor, advisor, best friend. He is whatever she needs him to be. To show their bonding, the mark of her family is tattooed on his forehead."

Chakotay's fingers unconsciously brushed his temple. "It's a mark of my family, to honor my ancestors. It has nothing to do with my position on this ship. And while I serve the Captain in many of the ways you listed, we are not a couple."

Janeway wondered if she imagined the wistfulness in his voice.

"Is your society matriarchal, then?" Kes chimed in softly.

"If I understand that word correctly, then no, child, it is not. Only about one-fourth of our society is bonded, and men and women who are not bonded are equals in all things. Have equal say in all things, even if they are a couple. In a bonded pair however, the man is in charge in private, while the woman leads in public."

"Leads in public?" Janeway latched onto that phrase with curiosity.

The two aliens exchanged another curious glance before Al'Lenia replied, "When out in public, the woman is in charge. The man, well, I told you all the things a Second does for his lady. When in the privacy of their own home, however, the man is in charge. And all the things he is for her, she becomes for him."

"But if you love someone, you're both always all of those things for each other. Both of you support the other, advise the other, etc…" Kes said softly. "What do you mean be _in charge_?"

"The one in charge will always listen to the advice, opinions, and wishes of the other, but in the end they are the one that makes the choice." Al'Lenia expanded.

"That's a fascinating cultural development." Chakotay commented softly. "It allows for complete equality in a relationship, and would reduce serious arguments. At the same time it encourages making choices that benefit both."

Kes's face showed that she still didn't understand, but rather than interrupt the conversation again she decided to think on it more, and maybe ask more later.

Janeway could almost hear what Chakotay was thinking, and she had to admit that it was a fascinating concept. And she would have no problem with him leading in private. But since he had standing on the ship apart from her own, there would still be problems with… And now was not the time to be thinking about this. "Among my people, it is against the rules for the Captain to be _bonded_ with any member of her crew. We believe that emotional attachments can interfere with command decisions."

"So you must remain alone, separate?" Al'Endon spoke for the first time since his First had begun speaking, and looked back and forth between Janeway and Chakotay. "Is that why your souls sing of loneliness and yearning?"

Janeway felt her face flush and her eyes grow huge. She heard Chakotay clear his throat nervously. Kes blushed and mumbled an excuse before leaving quickly.

"Al'Endon!' Al'Lenia said harshly. "Their race cannot share feelings as ours does."

"Forgive me, First." Al'Endon bowed, then turned and bowed to both Janeway and Chakotay as well. "I humbly apologize. Among our people, all can sense the emotions of others, so we comment on them as causally as we do on things that are spoken. I meant no offense."

"No offense was taken." Chakotay was quick to say, although he found himself shifting away from Janeway, and at the same time trying to clear his mind so that the couple didn't pick up anything else. It was difficult to not think about her, however, considering the ten minutes he had been here with Janeway was the most he had stood beside her in over a week. He could see the slight shadows under her eyes and wondered if she had been sleeping as badly as he.

"Torres to the captain."

Janeway activated her combadge with relief. "Janeway here."

"Their ship is good to go, Captain. They'll need a few more repairs once they're back on their planet, but that's only a few light years away. And apparently they have perishable cargo." B'Elanna reported succinctly.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Get yourselves back to Voyager. Their people in Sickbay have all been treated, and they'll be ready to go momentarily."

"I'm afraid we can offer little in way of thanks, Captain." Al'Lenia pronounced the title carefully. "Our cargo is food and medicines, badly needed by our people. But you are welcome to our starcharts of the area, as well as the cultural database of my planet and the few neighboring species we trade with."

"We would be grateful for the starcharts, and the cultural information." Janeway smiled. "We can give you some data on our species and culture if you like."

"We're always happy to learn about other cultures, even if they are ones we will likely never see again.." Al'Lenia replied. "Good luck getting home."

"How did you know…" Chakotay trailed off as she smiled at him.

"Our planet has heard of your ship, although we knew nothing other than that you were somehow stranded on the wrong end of the galaxy and are attempting to get home." Al'Endon smiled at them. "We've heard stories that depict you as kind, generous people, or fearless heroes, others that claim you are vicious barbarians. I am grateful the first turned out to be correct."

Janeway smiled. "I'm just glad that we could help. I wish we had the opportunity to get to know each other better."

"As do I, but we must be getting home, as must you." Al'Lenia rose.

Janeway and Chakotay escorted them and the other Malkyrians to the transporter room, and the other four were beamed back to their ship after expressing their thanks.

Al'Lenia moved until she was facing Janeway, Al'Endon mirroring her with Chakotay. Al'Lenia raised her arm, as she had before when greeting them, fingers spread and palm facing the captain. Realizing it must be their version of a handshake, Janeway mirrored her. "First to First, I offer you farewell. May you and your Second always be blessed with love and luck, and may you two see you crew safely home."

Noting the cadence of the speech, Janeway assumed it was a standard goodbye, and offered the words back.

"Second to Second, I offer you farewell." Al'Endon raised his arm and Chakotay matched him. "May you and your First shelter in the Light's hands, and remember that together you are each more than you are apart."

Chakotay repeated the words with a slight hitch in his voice.

And without further comment, the two aliens moved onto the transporter pads.

"Energize." Janeway said softly.

She and Chakotay stood motionless for a moment, each lost in thought, then each turned and began to speak at once. They each gestured for the other to proceed.

"Well, I'm needed on the bridge." Janeway said stiltedly.

"He was right you know." Chakotay replied, too softly for the transporter chief to hear.

"Good day, Commander."

Chakotay would have said something else, but he caught the sheen of tears in her eyes and let her go without another word.

=/\=

**Captain's Personal Log, Stardate 49852.3**

**We recently ran into a very interesting species, one who believes that only bonded couples should command a ship. They mistook Chakotay and I for a couple. Not only because we were in command together, but apparently because they're telepathic and could sense our feelings for each other. They must have been confused by the fact that our body language and words didn't match our feelings. They would have been less confused if they had met us before New Earth. We were more a couple then than we are now.**

**Instead of things slowly getting better, they're getting worse. We're not going back to how we used to be. Hell, I think we were more friendly the first week he was on the ship. I want to bridge that gap; I want my friend back. But every time I'm near him all I can think about is what we don't have anymore. He's not pushing things at all, just the opposite in fact except for one comment today, but in trying to give me space he's left me more alone than I've ever been. Although I know it's not just me that needs the space, which is the other reason I'm afraid to try to bridge that gap. I'm afraid I'll hurt him even more and make it so we'll never have a comfortable friendship again. I'm even more afraid that after what we shared a friendship may never be enough. But how can I justify breaking a regulation I've always believed in?**

=/\=

TBC…

AN2: I just couldn't resist writing an alien encounter where nothing goes wrong. They don't try to kill them, or ransom them, or use them as slaves, or alter their memories, or take over the ship, or steal their tech, or… well, any of the things that normally happen, lol. Cause although it wouldn't be good TV, they have to have boring encounters sometimes. And my muse made me dream of a culture like the Malkyrians, so I totally had to write it. Sorry it's not as J/C, but we'll get back to them don't worry. And now they have something else to think about.


	6. Wish

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: And now back to the drama. Oh, and because someone asked; Yes, all of my Stardates are accurate. Fics where the author just chooses random numbers have always been among my pet peeves. Especially as there is a converter online where all you have to do is plug in the date and time you want.

The Ache We Feel

By Lady Callista

Chapter Six: Wish

"_I'll never forget the times we shared, and I'll never forget how much we cared. Now that it's over I only have one thing to say; If I had a four-leaf clover I'd wish for one more day." -Anonymous_

=/\=

**Chakotay, Personal Log, Stardate 49854.4**

**Despite it being my day off, I've spent most of the day going through reports. I need to keep my mind busy, because when I try to relax all I can think about is her. Especially after studying the information on their culture that the Malkyrians sent us yesterday. When the First of the ship we rescued was telling us about their customs, I found myself wishing for a moment that ours was similar. I'd have to make a full study to understand the effects on their culture, but the fact that on a ship the leader has someone to help them with the burdens of command, yet at the same time can be certain that person will obey them in the end, well, I think it's a wonderful idea. **

**I wonder if she realizes that is how our relationship would be, if she allowed it. Although my feelings are stronger than they once were, since I was able to unlock them from my heart for a brief time, that wouldn't change our professional relationship. As I told B'Elanna the day the Caretaker's array was destroyed; She's the captain, and the final choice is always hers. Which is why although I am pained by the loss of friendship we've suffered, and by the awkwardness we seem unable to get past, there is nothing I can do about it. It must be her choice, and she's made it.**

=/\=

"I still don't understand." Kes said softly, looking across the mess hall table at Tom and Harry. "I've been studying the information they sent us all afternoon, and all I can think is that they're defining and structuring love. All the things their _bonded_ couples are required to do for each other, well, they're things you do anyway."

"Things _you_ do." Harry emphasized. "Things _your culture _taught you. Things you see in the human relationships around you. Not all cultures are like that. Not all people believe in equality between the sexes."

"But if you love someone, you do everything you can to keep them happy. You share in making decisions for the benefit of both of you." Kes argued.

"Not necessarily." Tom replied. "Five hundred years ago, humans didn't believe in shared decision making. Men were in charge of society. Women couldn't hold office, or vote. Their fathers told them who to marry, their husbands ran their lives after that."

"That's awful.'

"That was just the culture of the time." Tom countered. "There's a species in the Alpha Quadrant called the Ferengi, and they're still like that. The women aren't allowed to work, or own property. They can't speak to anyone but a family member, even when in their own home, unless they are addressed first. They can't vote, and their father, or husband, or son, makes all the decisions for them. But I wouldn't say there isn't love there. It's just their culture."

"One of the hardest things for me on _Voyager_ has been learning about other cultures that are so contrary to what I know." Kes offered softly. "Commander Chakotay commented on how fascinating he thought their culture was, on how it could reduce problems between a couple, but I just thought it was so odd."

Tom chuckled. "Chakotay liked the idea of a bonded pair leading a ship. Why am I not surprised?"

Kes looked at him curiously. "One of the commander's specialties is learning about other cultures."

"And he and the captain have a similar relationship." Harry added. "I mean, they may not be a couple, but they're friends. He's her advisor and confidant. And he…"

"Maybe before their little foray on that planet, but have you seen them together recently Harry?" Tom waved a hand for emphasis. "They don't have the same shift anymore, they don't meet for coffee, and I heard they skipped their weekly dinner meeting last week. She doesn't touch him anymore, and they don't joke around or tease each other like they used to."

"I'm sure they're just getting used to being back aboard ship."

"Oh, Harry, Harry. Don't you see? Either they decided they hate each other while on the planet, which I seriously doubt, or they got a little too close and now it's affecting their work."

"They're lonely." Kes said softly, almost to herself. "And sad."

"What?" Tom's head whipped around to her.

"The people we met yesterday, the one said that their souls were full of loneliness and yearning." Kes replied in a quiet voice. "And I feel sadness and loss from both of them, especially at the rare moments they're together."

"We've gotta fix this." Tom rubbed his hands together, mind already whirling.

"What do you mean, fix this?" Harry gaped at him. "Even if we wanted to interfere in their personal lives, Tom, there are regulations…"

"Oh, screw the regulations." Tom replied. "We're a long ways from Starfleet, Harry. And remember my pool? No one on the crew was particularly shocked by the idea of them being a couple. No one started quoting regs at me, or seemed scandalized. Hell, a few of them were convinced that they've had a romantic relationship going on for a long time and are just hiding it."

"We just want them to be happy." Kes said gently. "But I think we should give them time to figure things out on their own."

"Yeah, Tom." Harry agreed eagerly. "If we start interfering we could make things worse."

"Fine, fine, party poopers." Tom sighed. "It's just getting painful to watch them together."

=/\=

"Enter." Reclining on the couch in her quarters, staring out the viewport as she drank her umpteenth cup of coffee, Captain Janeway responded absently to her door chime.

"Captain." Tuvok crossed towards her, a padd in his hands.

"What can I do for you?" She twisted to face him, sliding her legs down to sit properly.

"The sensor data you requested." He offered the padd.

"The sensor… oh, yes. Thank you." She took the padd, glancing down at it distractedly before setting it and her coffee down on the table with a sigh. Her head dropped for a moment, and she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Permission to speak freely, Captain?"

"You, Tuvok? Always." She gestured for him to sit beside her.

He sat on the edge of the cushion, turning slightly to face her. "You have been both distracted and unhappy since leaving the planet you named New Earth. I would have thought you would be relieved, and happy, to be back on _Voyager_."

"I am happy to be back on _Voyager_, Tuvok, to be with my family." Janeway said softly. "Happy to once again have a chance to reach Earth. But I keep thinking about what happened down there…"

"I will remind you, I saw nothing."

Kathryn gave an exasperated sigh. "Please, Tuvok. I need my oldest friend, not my Starfleet Security Chief."

"I saw nothing." Tuvok repeated before his face softened slightly. "However, if I had… Cap… Kathryn, for that is who you were there. You were not a Starfleet captain, but simply a woman. Kathryn, you believed that the two of you would be alone there for the rest of your lives. It is logical that you would turn to each other for comfort and companionship, especially given your preexisting feelings for each other, which would have naturally grown stronger once you were in a situation where there was nothing stopping you from…

"Stop!" Kathryn's head snapped towards him in shock, eyes wide. "Preexisting feelings? Why would you believe that… Does the crew think that…"

"I do not know what the crew thinks." Tuvok interrupted gently. "But, to me, the commander's affection for you has been obvious for some time. It goes beyond both the concern of a first officer for his captain, and the caring of one friend for another. While your affection for him is better concealed, I have observed on multiple occasions that your feelings also go beyond either a professional relationship or a friendship."

Kathryn reached for her coffee, finishing it in a single gulp. "I think I need something stronger." His words spinning around in her mind, she walked to her replicator and ordered a glass of wine. Manners broke her jumbled thoughts for an instant, causing her to add, "Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you."

Kathryn took a fortifying gulp before trying to bring her thoughts back to the conversation. She couldn't believe that he had known for so long, couldn't believe that anyone had seen through the feelings she had thought completely hidden behind her captain's mask. "Yet you've never questioned me about this, this affection."

"Your feelings are your own. There are no regulations about how you or the commander feel, only about how you act. And neither of you ever committed actions that broke that regulation, nor did I believe that you would in the future."

"Under normal circumstances, I like to think you would have been correct. But life in the Delta Quadrant, life aboard _Voyager_, is hardly normal." Kathryn replied with a sigh, sitting beside him again and taking a slow sip of her wine.

"I will remind you that you were not aboard _Voyager_, and that for all intents and purposes you were no longer his captain." Tuvok replied with a raised eyebrow.

"But I am now." Kathryn sighed, leaning back onto the couch and letting her eyes close for a moment. She needed someone to talk to, had in fact needed it since the day she got back to the ship. As her oldest friend, and until about a year ago she would have said her closest as well, Tuvok was the obvious choice. But she had never thought she would have a conversation like this with him. "I'm having… difficulties with the fact that mine and Chakotay's… relationship changed on New Earth. I'm finding it hard to go back to the relationship we used to have on _Voyager_."

Tuvok was silent for a moment. "May I ask a personal question?"

"This whole conversation is personal, Tuvok. Say whatever you want." Her eyes opened and shifted towards him.

"Do you wish to pursue a romantic relationship with the commander?"

"Oh, for the love of…" Kathryn let out an exasperated growl. "I did pursue, no, I _had_ a romantic relationship with him. We expressed those _preexisting feelings_. It's not like either of us had exactly been blind to them before, but words have power once they're said."

Tuvok laced his fingers together in front of him, index fingers raised and pointed towards the ceiling. After a moment of thought, he replied, "Do you believe both of you could maintain the good professional relationship you've always had while simultaneously having a romantic one?"

"You've just hit the nail on the head, my friend." Kathryn said with a sigh. "I don't know. I know I think we can, and I know I want to try. But if it doesn't work out things could end up worse than they are now."

"Even factoring out your attraction for each other, you have developed a very deep friendship. We are alone in an area of space that has more burdens and stresses than are normal for a Starfleet captain, an area that also lacks all the normal methods and personnel for a captain to relieve those stresses. Yet, being you, you still hold yourself a step back from the crew. You always show them only your best side, and help them with their emotional turmoil, their problems, worries, and doubts. But you yourself have no one to lean on, except the commander. He is the only one you can share your worries with, the only one who can give you strength when you are sad or depressed. Although I have been your friend far longer than he, I am not a logical choice to offer you emotional, or physical, support."

"I've always been a tactile person, Tuvok." Kathryn smiled ruefully. "I offer comfort, encouragement, support, any number of things, in a physical way as well as a verbal one."

"And you crave comfort and support in the same way, but cannot accept that from your crew." Tuvok said softly. "You could accept it from me, based upon our long friendship and my position as second officer, but it not in my nature to offer that, nor is it in the nature of our friendship."

"And so I only have him, and even then in only the most basic ways. I've lost count of the number of times I wanted a hug almost more than a cup of coffee, but knew I couldn't have one."

"He is also your emotional support." Tuvok continued. "You can discuss your worries with him, and your doubts, and receive more of an answer than that you are being illogical or overly emotional."

She offered him a small smile over his comment. "On New Earth, we were equals. There was nothing we couldn't say to each other, nothing we couldn't do. For the first time in two years I had someone to hold me when I cried. As Captain, I need him. I need his support and comfort as I always have, his wisdom and his courage. But I'm afraid we've crossed too many lines to go back to how we used to be. There's an awkwardness and a hesitation, a wall between us that's affecting how we function as a team. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Kathryn needs him as well now. He… he keeps her from vanishing until only the _captain_ is left. But the captain's mind keeps coming back to those damned regulations. Regulations I'm not even sure are _logical_ out here in the Delta Quadrant."

Tuvok was silent for another long moment, and when he finally spoke a hint of curiosity was in his voice. "Captain, are you asking my permission?"

"Your advice. Your opinion." Kathryn said quickly, then let out a deep sigh. "And yes, I suppose your permission as well. More than anyone else, your opinion matters."

"When we were first stranded in the Delta Quadrant, you made the decision to abide by Starfleet procedures and regulations, even knowing there was a possibility we would not make it back to Earth within your lifetime. The regulation that forbids the captain from having a romantic relationship with a member of her crew assumes that her crew are not the only people available to her. Because if that was the case, then that regulation would be akin to saying that the captain cannot have a romantic relationship at all, and that is something Starfleet would never dictate." His words were soft and reasoned. "Furthermore, I believe you are correct that you need Commander Chakotay. The two of you are one of the best command teams I have ever seen, and anything that jeopardizes that is to the detriment of this ship and her crew. I have indeed noticed a strain between you since your return. If things cannot go back to how they were, then the only logical action is to proceed in the only way you believe they can be worked out. To sum up, you have my permission. More importantly, you have my best wishes."

Kathryn sat staring at him for a long moment, scarcely able to believe what he had said. "Thank you." She said finally, unable to think of anything else to say.

Tuvok reached out and placed his hand over hers, giving it a gentle squeeze before rising to his feet. "Good night, Kathryn."

She smiled a happier and more relaxed smile that he had seen since she returned. "Good night, Tuvok."

As the door closed behind him, Kathryn stood and moved into her bedroom. She sat staring at the single red rose for a long time, then picked up the stasis vase she had replicated to hold it and walked back to the main room.

She placed the rose on the center of the table before speaking. "Computer, time."

"It is 18:04."

"Locate Commander Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."

"Perfect." Kathryn replied before tapping her combadge. "Janeway to Chakotay."

"Yes, Captain?" He replied instantly.

"I think it's time we reinstated our weekly dinner meetings." She carefully kept her voice neutral. "19:00 in my quarters?"

There was silence for almost five seconds, then his voice came hesitantly. "Could we wait until next week, Captain?"

"There is a matter that needs our attention today." She knew exactly why he was hesitating, he wanted more time to get his emotional balance back before they were alone in her quarters. The ready room once or twice had been hard enough. And had it not been for her conversation with Tuvok, she would have waited at least a week or two to resume their dinner meetings. She wouldn't have been able to handle it either.

"Of course, Captain. I'll be there at 19:00." Now he sounded resigned and slightly hurt.

"Thank you, Commander. Janeway out."

She could have just told him, she thought as she moved to the replicator, ordering two wine glasses and a bottle of the same red they had had for their last meal on New Earth. She didn't bother with food, as she doubted they would get to it.

She could have just asked him to come now, or gone to him; she could have told him that there was one Starfleet regulation she was throwing out the airlock. But she wanted time to prepare. And she wanted it to be perfect.

With that in mind, she moved back into her bedroom, pulling the pins from her hair as she thought about what to wear.

=/\=

TBC…


	7. Life

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks once again to those who took the time to review. I'm so gratified that my characterization of Tuvok was well received, I think that scene was the hardest one to write in this entire fic. Oh, and sorry if they seem a little OOC in this part, but it pretty much wrote itself. And now for the end of this story; thanks for sticking with me on my first, but not last, Voyager/ J&C fic.

* * *

The Ache We Feel

By Lady Callista

Chapter Seven: Life

"To make the journey without falling deeply in love, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven't tried, then you haven't lived." -William Parish in "Meet Joe Black

=/\=

Her door chimed at exactly 19:00.

Kathryn took a deep breath, looking around the room for the hundredth time to make sure everything was perfect. She ran her fingers through her long hair nervously, taking another deep breath as her hands continued down to needlessly smooth her blue dress.

"Enter." She cursed the anxiety in her voice. She was more nervous than she had been on her first date, which was absolutely insane. But then, there hadn't been nearly as much at stake.

Chakotay, still in uniform, took one step into the room and froze as the door slid shut behind him. The lights were dimmed, and candles glowed from half a dozen flat surfaces. Wine, already poured for two, sat on the table. The centerpiece of the table was a single red rose in a stasis vase, which he had never seen before, but knew had to be the one he had given her on New Earth. His mind was so busy dealing with the implications of the room that he was almost shocked when she spoke.

"Chakotay." She had been purposely standing over by the door to the bedroom where he wouldn't notice her at first, and now she smiled as his eyes snapped to her, widening as they took in the silky and suggestive blue dress she had poured herself into.

His heart leapt into his throat as his eyes locked with hers. If he had had any doubts about her intentions after seeing the room, the look in her eyes would have sent them flying. But he was almost afraid to believe in that look in her eyes. Afraid to unlock his heart again and hope. "Kathryn?"

She smiled again, that smile she shared with no one but him, and picked up both their wine glasses as she crossed to stand in front of him. She held one out, and both of them knew she was offering so much more. "To us."

He took the glass, but his other hand caught her wrist lightly, stopping her from drinking. "Why?"

She switched her glass to her other hand, sliding her wrist through his fingers to take his hand in hers. Her smile didn't dim, she had known they would have to talk about things first. "Come sit with me?"

He nodded, but studied her eyes intently for a moment before allowing her to lead him over to the couch. He set his wine on the table, watching as she did the same, but kept their other hands linked together as they sat.

She was silent for a moment, still berating herself for being nervous with him, then abruptly took a deep breath and gave him a crooked smile. "You asked why. Do you want the logical reason first, or the emotional one?"

"I want to know this isn't just another dream." The words were out before he could stop them.

Kathryn chuckled softly. "I'm not sure how to convince you it's not a dream. Or that I'm not possessed by an alien, that Q won't suddenly flash into the room and start laughing, or that some other weird Delta Quadrant thing isn't happening."

He snorted and shook his head slightly. "I hadn't even thought of Q. But let's go on the assumption that this is real. Give me the logical reason."

Kathryn reached out until she held his one hand between both of hers. "You're the perfect first officer for me, and an amazing friend. But since we got back from New Earth, we can barely stand to be in the same room. Chakotay, after what happened down there, we can't go back to how things were. And if we can't go back, then we have to go forward. We have to redefine our relationship to make everything work out."

"What does that have to do with logic?" He tilted his head in confusion.

"Anything that disrupts the relationship between the captain and her first officer is to the detriment of the ship and her crew." Kathryn summarized in an emotionless voice, although her eyes twinkled.

This time it was his turn to chuckle. "You sound like Tuvok."

"He's the one that said it to me, almost exactly word for word."

Chakotay could only stare at her in shock.

"But even if he hadn't, we come to the emotional reason." One of her hands reached up to touch his tattoo, trailing her fingers down over his cheek. "You're my best friend, and I miss you. You're also the man I love, and those feelings aren't going to go away."

"And the rule that says you can't be involved with a member of your crew?" He hated to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he knew that for the sake of his own heart he had to proceed slowly. He had to be sure. More importantly, _she_ had to be sure.

"That law is pretty much there to guarantee you don't fall in love with one of them." Kathryn said with a wry grin, dropping her hand from his face. "It's too late for that, Chakotay. I still understand the reasons for the rule, but… I don't know how I'll feel the first time I have to send you into danger. I don't know how I'll deal with it the first time you get hurt."

"Kathryn…" He heard the tremor in her voice and reached out until both of his hands held hers gently.

"But there is one thing I know." She interrupted, needing to finish. "I know that whether we spend every day from now till then avoiding each other, or in each others arms, it won't change my feelings. We'll have to deal with things like that as they happen, but we'll do it together."

His dimples flashed to life with his smile, and he brought her hands to his lips, kissing them gently. "You've thought a lot about this."

"Well, I've been having trouble sleeping."

He chuckled. "Me too. I keep waking up and wishing you were in my arms."

She giggled, a sound he didn't think he had every heard her make, and had to laugh along with her for a moment.

"And yeah, that sounds like a line from some corny holonovel, but it's true." He dropped her hands then, sliding closer to her and pulling her gently in to his arms. Her arms slid around him in return, her cheek resting on his chest. He spoke softly, his warm breath in her ear causing her to shiver slightly. "I've missed you so much. I miss what we had those last few days on New Earth, but almost more than that I miss my best friend. I miss having coffee with you in the morning, and flirting over the consol on the bridge. I miss our weekly dinners, and how they've gone from work meetings to just being friends, and talking about whatever we want. And I've missed how your eyes used to sparkle, and your hand on my arm, my shoulder."

Kathryn twisted enough in his embrace to lay her hand over his heart, feeling him brush a kiss over her ear as she did so.

"You have to be sure though, Kathryn." He didn't try to hide the pain in his voice. "Cause if I lose you again, if tomorrow you decide we do need to follow that damn rule…"

"That rule is gone." She interrupted, the hand not still over his heart playing lightly with the back of his neck. "Now, I'm not saying I'm going to start randomly tossing Starfleet procedures and protocols out the airlock, but that one is history."

"I love you so much." His arms tightened around her as he spoke. "And just think, if we hadn't gotten stranded on that planet…"

"And I love you." Kathryn dropped a kiss on the side of his neck before pulling out of his arms just enough to look deeply into his eyes. "Tuvok implied that, under the circumstances, almost any man and women would have ended up in a relationship. But I… I don't think he's right. At least, not that soon. I know in my case, it wouldn't have happened with anyone but you."

Chakotay smiled. "If I was stranded like that, and got to pick the one person I would spend the rest of my life with… I…. Well, I can't think of anyone I would rather be stranded with."

He leaned in then, capturing her lips in a kiss that stayed gentle for only a moment before exploding as pent-up desires were finally allowed free reign.

"Torres to the Captain."

Kathryn pulled away from him with a gasp, then groaned before tapping her combadge. "Janeway here."

"Captain, we're having serious problems with the EPS manifolds around the warp core. We need to drop out of warp to run diagnostics and repairs. Once we start the diagnostics, warp power will not be available until we're done, minimum of six hours."

"Understood. Inform the bridge and then start on those repairs." Kathryn's eyes shifted to Chakotay and she smirked. "And except for an emergency of course, I will be unavailable for the rest of the night."

There was a brief pause before B'Elanna replied, "Understood, Captain. Have a good evening. Torres out."

Kathryn held up a hand as Chakotay started to speak. "Computer, redirect all communications except emergency ones for myself and Commander Chakotay to Lieutenant Tuvok. Please inform him that we will be unavailable for the night."

"Understood."

Kathryn tossed first his combadge, then her own, unto the table. "Now, what were you going to say?"

"I was going to take bets on how long it would take B'Elanna to ask the computer for my location, but depending on where Tuvok is when he gets that message it may not matter." Chakotay said with a grin, reaching out to pick up his wine.

"Well I'm not going to try to hide this." She grinned back as she picked up her wine. "If there's going to be a negative reaction from the crew, it'll just be worse if we try to hide things. Cause we both know there's no keeping anything from the gossip mill that is this crew."

He laughed. "To us."

They clinked glasses as she repeated the toast and they both drank.

"And I wouldn't worry too much about a negative reaction."

"Why not?" She questioned, noticing his mischievous smile.

He rose without answering. "Computer, romantic music." He offered her a hand as flutes and violins began to sing through the room. "Dance with me?"

She smiled her answer as she took his hand and rose, moving easily into his arms to sway to the music. But she couldn't let it go. "What do you know about the crew's likely reaction that I don't?"

"You just can't let it go, can you?" He chuckled, dropping a kiss on her forehead. Without waiting for a reply, he told her what B'Elanna had told him about Paris's betting pool.

"He's betting on our love lives?" Kathryn tried to sound outraged, but it came out more amused than anything else. "And how in the world did he expect to get the right answer? The way I've been feeling this past week I think I would have tossed him in the brig for mentioning it."

"Well B'Elanna wasn't sure, but I'm guessing he thought if we had a romantic relationship down there we'd continue it here. And then there wouldn't be any harm in asking how it happened, figuring out how many weeks it took." Chakotay offered as his hands slid up and down her back gently. "The way we've been acting, he's probably already declared a victory for the 'no' answer. Do you want me to handle it?"

Kathryn drew her head off of his chest to look up at him. "No, I think I'll take care of it. You said he got 10% of the pool, right? That's a lot of coffee."

Chakotay chuckled. "Or wine and roses."

"This is going to be so strange." Kathryn sighed even as she cuddled close to him again. "We have to keep our relationship separate from our jobs. But not too separate, I mean, we've been friends for a while now, and the crew is used to seeing us teasing each other, and…"

He silenced her with a kiss. "Don't worry, we can do this. Nothing will change professionally. You're still the captain. I've been following the orders of a woman I love for over a year now, I think I can manage to keep doing it."

"In public anyway."

He could hear the smirk in her voice, and the both laughed softly as they recalled the aliens they had met the other day. "Well, we're in private now. Does that mean you'll follow my orders?"

She glanced up at the huskily asked question. She could see in his eyes acknowledgement that he knew how much he was asking of her, for he knew just how much she hated not being in control. "I seem to recall you asking a similar question once."

Chakotay's mind flashed back to a time not long after they had met, and he remembered asking her if she would have served under him if it was her ship that had been lost. "And I seem to recall you pulling rank and not answering."

She looked up at him with both love and trust in her eyes. "I didn't know you as well back then. But now, well, I know the picnic was part of your dreams, but not the bathtub. Tell me what else you've dreamed of. Tell me what you want."

"This is part of it." He said as his hands slid down her lower back, pulling her even closer to him as they began to sway to the music again. "I want to dance with you. I want to kiss you, and touch you. And I want to fall asleep with you in my arms, knowing that you'll still be there when I wake up."

She once again pulled back just enough to see his face. Her eyes were bold and her voice husky as she commented, "You seem to be missing my favorite dream."

"It'll take a lifetime to get through all our dreams." He said as he leaned down to kiss her gently, cupping her face in his hands. "And I would love to join you for another bath at some point. But right now, what I want most is to carry you to bed, peel that dress off of you, and show you just how much I love you."

"Well, you are in charge." She said it breathily, teasingly, then let out a gasp as fire flared in his eyes as he swept her feet out from under her and leaned down to kiss her even as he carried her into the bedroom.

=/\=

"Does anyone else have anything to report?" Captain Janeway looked around the conference table at her senior staff, preparing to wrap up the morning briefing.

She nodded even as everyone shook their heads. "Very good. Dismissed."

Chakotay stayed behind as usual and she smirked and caught his eye, then set her face into harsh lines before adding, "Mr. Paris, a moment if you please."

"Captain?" He stopped and moved back into the room, growing a tad nervous at the serious faces on both her and Chakotay, as well as the fact that she waited for everyone to leave before speaking to him.

"Mr. Paris, it had been brought to my attention that there is a betting pool that nearly every member of the ship is involved in." Kathryn kept her voice harsh and disapproving, but it took effort. She refrained from glancing at Chakotay, knowing that doing so would make her smile or laugh and ruin the effect. "I have been told it relates to my… personal life. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"Uh well, ma'am, you see…." Tom stammered, glancing back and forth between her and Chakotay. Neither looked in any way amused.

"I have also been told that you're skimming 10% off the top of this little pool."

"Well, ummm."

Kathryn stalked towards him, laughing inside at the nervousness in his eyes. She stood there glaring at him for a moment, then finally couldn't take it anymore. Her eyes flicked over to Chakotay, and they both started chuckling.

Tom's eyes grew huge, and although his mouth opened a few times, he couldn't manage to say anything.

"Betting pools are illegal, Mr. Paris. I'll be confiscating that 10% of yours." Kathryn said with a smile, then leaned in close to him to whisper. "The correct answer is 9 weeks."

Without waiting for a reply, she sauntered over to where Chakotay stood and took his hand in her own as they exited the room. "Dinner tonight, Chakotay? I seem to have some extra rations."

Tom could only stare in shock as the door closed behind them.

=/\=

The End!


End file.
